January 29, 2016

Word Sixty-Three: Do Not Disturb

The band’s music echoed throughout the entire room, it’s melodies soothing my anxieties, while the lyrics had me singing love songs to my Saviour. My body swaying to the rhythm, and my eyes closed.

There He was. No, not a tangible figure, but He was with me. I could feel Him. His peace wrapping around me, warming me and calming me.

He whispered to me He had never left, and would never leave me. He truly loved me. I could feel Him smiling as He assured me.

No one else in my life had kept such promises.

I smiled back.


January 27, 2016

Word Sixty-One: Fairy Tale

I’d heard about it before- and when I walked up to it, it was just as it sounded.

Three floors, all made with a simple kind of wood. Rough, raw wood with no fancy staining- but it didn’t need that to make it a magical place. Snow was piled all around, and it added to the enticing mystery of the tree house. Christmas tree lights were wrapped around the railings, giving a sense of character, and two zip lines connected to the first floor.

Speechless and amazed I stood, overlooking the land that surrounded the tree house.

What beautiful surroundings!

Word Sixty: Rejection

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I tried texting her for the umpteenth time…and I was shocked when I finally got a reply from her. One I never expected (nor wanted) to see.

We met at a picnic, just the year prior- it hadn’t even been a full year yet when I got that text.

She wanted me to respect her wish to give her space…and if and when she wanted, she would reach out to me.

Tears welled up in my eyes, which hadn’t blinked since opening the text.

And my hopes of a new best friend?


January 21, 2016

Word Fifty-Five: Waiting

The dress hung on it’s hanger inside of the dry cleaner bag. The makeup spread out all over the counter. Nail polish to match, standing on the nightstand. A pearl necklace, along with pearl drop earrings in their cushioned jewelry box, set on the vanity. Hair products and bobby pins arranged beside the jewelry box. Shoes shined and lined up beside the bed.

In another room, a pressed tuxedo lay over the bed, with a tie to match lie beside it. Cologne sitting on top of the dresser, and hair gel nearby.

Days away, and anticipation building.

But until then…

Word Fifty-Four: Tower

Pain, stabbing and forceful, filled her chest. Cold seeping into her abdominal cavity, forcing life out of her with every breath. She kept her eyes squeezed shut, hoping to stop the tears from flowing. No matter how hard she tried, each memory with him returned, replaying like she was right there in that moment. Like that moment he held her hand…or brushed her hair…or kissed her cheek, so sweet, so tenderly.

Where was he now? Who would she turn to now?

She’d made in him a refuge, a strong tower, of which he proved unworthy.

It broke her.

July 7, 2015

Dear Ex “_______________,”

This is a post that is an unusual one for me. If you browse through my other writings, they are delicate and detailed, thought-provoking, striking to the emotions. While that all will remain true (I hope) in this particular writing, there is one major difference that will cause this writing to stand out among the other stories I have written to this blog.

The events in this post, these letters are true. Real life. Raw.

I have learned that I process life changes, events, traumas, and let-downs best when I put them into writing. So, with that said, below are two long awaited letters. Two letters I needed to have written months ago. I understand the intended recipients may never read these, and I’m sure they really don’t care to do so even if they were given the opportunity to do so.

But that’s okay.

Before I put this off any longer, fasten your seatbelts…

Letter #1- Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

It has been about two years since we broke up…or rather, since we stood in that dimly lit parking lot, and I told you things needed to change or that things between us may end, to which you suggested we just end it there.

I learned a lot in the year and a half we dated- I learned that I loved how you could make me laugh, I learned that I loved having someone who loved children as much as I did, someone who had an appreciation for music and arts similar to me, and someone who loved to have fun and have a good time.
I also learned that I really needed someone who could listen to me, who could just let me rant or share what’s on my mind without trying to change the topic to something more pleasant to talk about. I needed someone who would make sacrifices for me, who would participate in activities or service projects with me where we’d both be taken a little out of our comfort zones. Someone who I could grow with emotionally, physically, and most importantly, spiritually.

I tried to get you more involved with my church, with reading the Bible and doing devotions together, but I grew tired of being the one to lead, sometimes seeming to be the only one who wanted to do those things.

You weren’t who I wanted or needed you to be- and I write this letter to tell you, that that is okay.

I am sorry for trying to make you into the man I needed when it was clear that you weren’t that person for me. Don’t take that the wrong way- I know you are married now to a beautiful and lovely lady, someone who really is perfect for you.

While I may never understand how or why you moved on, though, so quickly, which, I will admit did really hurt me in the beginning…I felt like our relationship, the previous year and a half that you spent with me, didn’t matter because, well, you found someone else to marry so fast. While I was scared to date again, especially so soon after the depth to the mistakes that we made, it seemed as though you had no problem moving on, and it felt to me that you didn’t value or even remotely respect the relationship that we did have only months before you proposed to your now wife.

While on the topic of your wife, please tell her that I apologize. I took from you what I never should have, and I don’t know what she does or doesn’t know about those times of our relationship, but please, from the depths of my heart, let her know how sorry I am for not respecting her or your future relationship with her by participating in such acts. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I hope that she too can forgive me for my portion of what went wrong.

God has given me the grace to move on from that all, though. I am able to look back on our relationship without regrets, or without shame. While I still don’t understand the how or why behind your actions and the timing of them, the pain is gone and the hurt has been surrendered to the Lord.

Thank you for a fun, memory filled year and a half, and for the lessons along the way. Some were learned easier than others, but none of them do I regret learning with you. I wish you much joy, peace, growth, and success in your marriage, and I do hope that sometime in the future, you too can look back at the time we spent together with fondness.

Your Ex-Girlfriend

Letter #2- Dear Ex-Best Friend,

Your letter is a little harder to write.

We really were only “best friends” for a little under a year. I really connected with you because of our similar backgrounds, had similar pains from our past, and I really appreciated how well you listened, how you also shared in your struggles. I felt I finally had a GOOD close friend that I was able to share with and be shared with- I thought our sharing went both ways, and when you started dating a friend of ours, it was cool to see that blossom.

Your letter will be much shorter than the previous letter, not because I don’t want to say anything to your or because I’m holding a grudge against you, or whatever. I just am at a loss for words. Our friendship ended abruptly. I am sure there were reasons, and that you stopped talking to me for reasons that probably are legitimate- but my heart still kind of hurts when I reflect on our times together and then am brought to the thought of, “We’ll probably never speak again…”

I wish I could get together again for lunch with you, hear how work is going for you, show you the bridesmaid dress I should be receiving in the mail soon for my brother’s wedding, go shoe shopping, as for advice on what alcoholic beverages to consume at an upcoming bachelorette party, gush to you all about my new boyfriend and hear how things are going with your boyfriend, and ultimately… sort out whatever it is that there is a misunderstanding or hurt on your side about. I apologize in general, but at this point, I don’t know how to make this right….the ball is in your court, as they say…but even if you choose to kick that ball far out of sight, where it is irretrievable, that is okay, because God has a bigger plan than for us both to be friends again.

And that is okay.

I still love you, and you’ll always be in my heart…fondly.

Your Ex-Best Friend

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