January 21, 2016

Word Fifty-Four: Tower

Pain, stabbing and forceful, filled her chest. Cold seeping into her abdominal cavity, forcing life out of her with every breath. She kept her eyes squeezed shut, hoping to stop the tears from flowing. No matter how hard she tried, each memory with him returned, replaying like she was right there in that moment. Like that moment he held her hand…or brushed her hair…or kissed her cheek, so sweet, so tenderly.

Where was he now? Who would she turn to now?

She’d made in him a refuge, a strong tower, of which he proved unworthy.

It broke her.


December 1, 2015

Twenty-Five Things I’ve Learned in Twenty-Five YearsTwenty-Five Things I’ve Learned in Twenty-Five Years

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 11:46 pm

Twenty-Five Things I’ve Learned in Twenty-Five Years

Sounds like it took me forever to learn these things, but, that’s what life is all about, isn’t it? 😉 Some of the things listed below are done in humor, others were learned with a little pain, and others might be things that I learned myself or because of something I observed from someone else’s life, OR some profound wisdom someone else shared with me along the way. And to add to it, I’ve included some insight on each learned thing, and (hopefully) some wisdom for you, my reader!

I will do my best to stick to listing them from the order of earliest learned to most recently learned to give a fun “growing up with me” sort of perspective. 🙂

And without further ado- twenty-five things that I have learned in twenty-five years of life!

Walking is hard. And no, for me, it doesn’t get easier. Between the stumbles, trips, or complete face-on-the-ground falls…walking and I just can’t be friends.
Tying your shoes is NOT worth trying to trick your teacher. You will learn how to tie your shoes, and it WILL be ok, and you really won’t mind tying them. Seriously. Just suck it up and learn how to do it.
Slides mean you go down- even when you try to go up. All 7 or 8 year olds, listen up- when an adult tells you, “Hey, Johnny, don’t walk up the slide,” they mean it. They aren’t trying to be mean or damper your fun….they’re only trying to save you the pain and embarassment should you face plant into the metal slide that you’re walking up, and they really don’t want you to break anything…such as your front tooth, for example….
Don’t let other kids try to tell you what you really should be wearing. Who cares? Wear what YOU like and what YOU are comfortable in. Don’t even give them the time of day. Let them laugh. Be you!
Always, ALWAYS wear your hair how Mom told you to for picture day. So what if you think your hair looks better in a half-up and that she won’t really notice if you leave a few pieces framing your face- SHE WILL NOTICE. If Mom said, “Wear your hair down,” it doesn’t mean, “Wear most of your hair down,” IT MEANS, “Wear your hair down.” DOWN. Like, ALL of it. It ALL needs to be DOWN.
Do NOT cut your own bangs before age 16. Whether you’re just bored, or you want them cut because another classmates bangs are cool, don’t do it. Put the scissors down. Do not pass GO, do NOT collect $200, and certainly DO NOT cut your own bangs before you can color between the lines…or drive a car….this definitely should be a new law.
Whenever possible, wear a helmet. This will save you many ER trips and concussions. And speaking of concussions…
Always, always take adequate time to rest between concussions. Doesn’t matter how you feel or how well you seem to be doing, rest…just please freaking rest. Post-Concussive Syndrome IS a real thing, and it REALLY does suck.
Never, EVER settle. Don’t settle for any guy, don’t settle for any job, don’t settle when someone says you can’t do something, and don’t settle with mediocre. Don’t settle for peers, don’t settle for bosses, and don’t settle for leaders. Be respectful, but don’t ever take anything or anyone at face value. Do your research, and know the why behind the what.
There are stupid questions in life. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be asked. Clarification never hurt anyone.
High standards for a boyfriend are NEVER a bad thing. Never let ANYONE try to tell you otherwise. Stick to your convictions! Only fall for a man who loves Jesus and who loves you and romances you! It IS worth waiting to find a man like this!
When you move out, peanut butter and jelly is acceptable at any time. And it seriously will probably be the best thing you will make until you get married! (Or, at least, it will be for me!)
Oh, and not having to share your jars of PB and jelly is equally as awesome as PB+J at any time. No need to say more here. 😉
It’s OK to say no! Don’t upset yourself over upsetting others. It’s seriously not worth the inner turmoil you will put yourself through when you try to take on the world all in the same moment.
As long as you have a good base coat, pretty much any nail polish will do. It is totally cool to experiment with brands here!! Forget spending lots of $$MONEY$$ on nail polishes when you don’t really need to!
Spontaneous dance parties are totally acceptable. And they are a great workout- especially for toddlers before nap time!
Always make time for family. Friends come and go, but family is forever, and the things you learn from them are priceless. You were put together in their lives for a reason…don’t try to understand why, but definitely make the effort to spend time with them.
Don’t be ashamed of your singing voice. True, I’m no Celine Dion, but God gave me the voice He did BECAUSE HE WANTED TO, so, why should I be ashamed of a gift from my Heavenly Father??
When receiving a compliment, always thank the complimentor. I really can’t think of how to say this without sounding like a total jerk, but I’ve realized that it sounds a little selfish when you give abcd reasons why you can’t possibly accept xyz compliment because it seriously cannot be true…and, it sort of robs the joy of complimenting from the complimentor. So, thank them for noticing. You don’t have to completely agree with what they say in order to thank them.
Handmade cards really do impact people more than you believe. It goes a long way- not only taking time to send a card, but making it yourself…well, that goes a REEEEALLY long way.
Good shoes will make a HUGE difference. For how your feet/back will feel, for how your outfit will look and feel, and for your overall appearance. And (hopefully) your podiatrist WON’T yell at you! 🙂
Do not EVER try to wear heels longer than 4 hours at a time. Your podiatrist will probably yell at you if you do….but if he doesn’t, your feet certainly will take care of that for you!
Don’t take things so personally. It can be pretty hard to not do this, but it will give you more peace and even help solidify your confidence when you don’t overthink or look into things.
Take care of yourself. This includes in your finances, your food choices, sleeping enough, and drinking enough water. Start this sooner rather than later. Your body now, in the future, and your loved ones will seriously thank you.
Mom DOES know best- MOST of the time, at least. Even after you move out, you will not only need her advice still, but you will actually WANT it. And you will call her sometimes just to hear her voice. And you will WANT to spend time with her. And you WILL be friends with her. She was right about everything all along. Right when she told you the guy you were dating was bad news. Right when she “predicted” when you were getting sick. Right when you cooked a preventable fatal dinner. Right when she picked out clothes for you that looked flipping awesome on you. Right when she told you not to get that haircut because it wouldn’t accentuate your face shape. Right when she helped you pick out haircolor and said you should avoid Sun-In. She usually knows her stuff- because she has been through her own set of 25 (and a little extra!) things she’s learned, too. ❤


July 7, 2015

Dear Ex “_______________,”

This is a post that is an unusual one for me. If you browse through my other writings, they are delicate and detailed, thought-provoking, striking to the emotions. While that all will remain true (I hope) in this particular writing, there is one major difference that will cause this writing to stand out among the other stories I have written to this blog.

The events in this post, these letters are true. Real life. Raw.

I have learned that I process life changes, events, traumas, and let-downs best when I put them into writing. So, with that said, below are two long awaited letters. Two letters I needed to have written months ago. I understand the intended recipients may never read these, and I’m sure they really don’t care to do so even if they were given the opportunity to do so.

But that’s okay.

Before I put this off any longer, fasten your seatbelts…

Letter #1- Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

It has been about two years since we broke up…or rather, since we stood in that dimly lit parking lot, and I told you things needed to change or that things between us may end, to which you suggested we just end it there.

I learned a lot in the year and a half we dated- I learned that I loved how you could make me laugh, I learned that I loved having someone who loved children as much as I did, someone who had an appreciation for music and arts similar to me, and someone who loved to have fun and have a good time.
I also learned that I really needed someone who could listen to me, who could just let me rant or share what’s on my mind without trying to change the topic to something more pleasant to talk about. I needed someone who would make sacrifices for me, who would participate in activities or service projects with me where we’d both be taken a little out of our comfort zones. Someone who I could grow with emotionally, physically, and most importantly, spiritually.

I tried to get you more involved with my church, with reading the Bible and doing devotions together, but I grew tired of being the one to lead, sometimes seeming to be the only one who wanted to do those things.

You weren’t who I wanted or needed you to be- and I write this letter to tell you, that that is okay.

I am sorry for trying to make you into the man I needed when it was clear that you weren’t that person for me. Don’t take that the wrong way- I know you are married now to a beautiful and lovely lady, someone who really is perfect for you.

While I may never understand how or why you moved on, though, so quickly, which, I will admit did really hurt me in the beginning…I felt like our relationship, the previous year and a half that you spent with me, didn’t matter because, well, you found someone else to marry so fast. While I was scared to date again, especially so soon after the depth to the mistakes that we made, it seemed as though you had no problem moving on, and it felt to me that you didn’t value or even remotely respect the relationship that we did have only months before you proposed to your now wife.

While on the topic of your wife, please tell her that I apologize. I took from you what I never should have, and I don’t know what she does or doesn’t know about those times of our relationship, but please, from the depths of my heart, let her know how sorry I am for not respecting her or your future relationship with her by participating in such acts. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I hope that she too can forgive me for my portion of what went wrong.

God has given me the grace to move on from that all, though. I am able to look back on our relationship without regrets, or without shame. While I still don’t understand the how or why behind your actions and the timing of them, the pain is gone and the hurt has been surrendered to the Lord.

Thank you for a fun, memory filled year and a half, and for the lessons along the way. Some were learned easier than others, but none of them do I regret learning with you. I wish you much joy, peace, growth, and success in your marriage, and I do hope that sometime in the future, you too can look back at the time we spent together with fondness.

Your Ex-Girlfriend

Letter #2- Dear Ex-Best Friend,

Your letter is a little harder to write.

We really were only “best friends” for a little under a year. I really connected with you because of our similar backgrounds, had similar pains from our past, and I really appreciated how well you listened, how you also shared in your struggles. I felt I finally had a GOOD close friend that I was able to share with and be shared with- I thought our sharing went both ways, and when you started dating a friend of ours, it was cool to see that blossom.

Your letter will be much shorter than the previous letter, not because I don’t want to say anything to your or because I’m holding a grudge against you, or whatever. I just am at a loss for words. Our friendship ended abruptly. I am sure there were reasons, and that you stopped talking to me for reasons that probably are legitimate- but my heart still kind of hurts when I reflect on our times together and then am brought to the thought of, “We’ll probably never speak again…”

I wish I could get together again for lunch with you, hear how work is going for you, show you the bridesmaid dress I should be receiving in the mail soon for my brother’s wedding, go shoe shopping, as for advice on what alcoholic beverages to consume at an upcoming bachelorette party, gush to you all about my new boyfriend and hear how things are going with your boyfriend, and ultimately… sort out whatever it is that there is a misunderstanding or hurt on your side about. I apologize in general, but at this point, I don’t know how to make this right….the ball is in your court, as they say…but even if you choose to kick that ball far out of sight, where it is irretrievable, that is okay, because God has a bigger plan than for us both to be friends again.

And that is okay.

I still love you, and you’ll always be in my heart…fondly.

Your Ex-Best Friend

April 8, 2015

Word Fifty-Three: Keeping a Secret

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 8:57 pm

He slammed his apartment door shut. The latest newspaper headline caught his eye. Anger suddenly filled his heart as he picked the paper up. Agitated at the report, he thrust the newspaper against the wall.

Just like he did to her. Her smile in the photograph on page A1 used to warm his heart but now, it just annoyed him.

He tossed his keys onto the table with a thud, the sound reminding him of his crime.

Tears flooded his eyes as he grabbed hair dye and scissors.

He set the timer.

Thirty minutes.

There was no time to waste.

Word Fifty-Two: Deep in Thought

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 8:30 pm

*tap tap tap*

The sound was just loud enough that she should have answered, but once a few moments passed by, I decided I should try again with more force.

*knock knock knock*

I glanced at my watch, and counted for ten seconds before I let myself peek into the room. There she was, sitting on her rocker beside the bay window. The sun was setting, and was adding a warm glow to her face. Her eyes were closely watching the wind blow the flowers, when I saw a tear start to fall from her eye.

Mum missed my Papa.

January 11, 2014

Word Fifty-One: Sport

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 12:01 am

It seemed like an eternity as names were called, and kids ran off to their group. I, however, stood there…waiting…

Gym class was never my favorite. Although it wasn’t the actual gym class I had a problem with, as I really enjoyed the activities. This was what drew me to hate it.

Another name called out. That left me, and one other boy. Again.

My heart sank as I anticipated my name being called, only to realize that it was the voice of the gym teacher giving instructions.

I choked back tears. After all, we should be good sports, right?

January 10, 2014

Word Fifty: Breaking the Rules

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 11:52 pm

Rain drops slipped off of the building and onto the pavement. Her feet softly pounded the ground as she ran. She had been crying, but one might think it had been the rain which smeared her makeup. Her clothes were torn and ragged, giving off the impression that she had no home. She lived in a “house”, but not a home. Home wouldn’t cause her tears, to be violated, to be hurt over and over again. He said if she ever left, she should fear for her life.

She decided that risking her life was worth a taste of freedom.

October 7, 2013

Word Forty-Nine: Stripes

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 1:31 pm

Pain surged through his body. His hands were splintered and bloodied. His eyes were too puffy to make out who was standing in front of him, and his head was throbbing from all of the loud noises. Blood dripped down his face, and his back was striped with dried blood. He tripped, and the man a few feet in front of him continued to mock him and yell at his fumbling. The crowds laughed and shouted various taunts and torments.

Finally, he had reached his destination. The man who walked in front took the cross he carried.

Death awaited him.

April 19, 2013

Word Forty-Eight: Childhood

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 4:34 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

She cradled a box of memories where photographs from birthday parties, autographs given in yearbooks, compact discs created by best friends, and tickets from movie theatres were enclosed. Boxes lined up against the bedroom wall, packed with books, picture frames, movies, and toys. She stood in what once was her bedroom, where posters covered so much wall space she’d forgotten how the walls looked. She turned to see a bare door propped open, where signs that read, “KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING!” and, “ABIGAIL’S ROOM- GIRLS ONLY,” once hung.

A tear formed in her eye and fell.

It’s all only memories now.

February 25, 2013

Word Forty-Seven: Creation

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 10:28 am

Black. Empty. Vacant.

He saw it as it was, yet He saw the potential it held. He spoke, and a whole new world was formed. Light danced across the foundations, and waters glittered underneath. Clouds bounced in the sky, and birds flew with glee. Vegetation grew- flowers blossomed, trees sprouted fruit, grasses stretched skyward. Beings trotted along new paths, sniffing around for where to lie their head.

And finally, man walked the new world. Brought to life by a simple pile of dust, and a breath from Him, man was now alive.

He looked around and saw it was good.

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