February 24, 2011

Word Thirteen: Misfortune

Filed under: 100 Themes Challenge — by britewordworm @ 5:28 pm

Cell phone in his left hand, a coin in the right, and a milestone ahead. James looked at the number already dialed into his phone, then glanced at the coin that lay in his other hand, reflecting the sun’s glare. The phone number belonged to his father who had left when James was but a year old. With a toss of a coin, James could change their relationship. He flicked the coin in the air, and it landed on tails. Tails. The side that would push him to call. Too bad he didn’t know of his father’s death some years ago.



  1. So, this is a comment I probably should keep to myself but, for one I really really like this story, and for two I know you’ll be cool with me saying this.
    So, this whole story had this good flow to it and everything, and then you get to the last line and, to me at least, the “though” seems really out of place. I’m wondering if you added it for the 100 word mark. I could be wrong, but it just seems like maybe that’s the case.
    So, just a thought, “Too bad he was not aware of his father’s death some years ago” would reach the same number of words but, to me at least, would be less awkward…
    So anyways, I hope you understand that I’m not trying to be critical or anything, and I know you’re trying to catch up right now, but I figured you might appreciate the thought. I welcome any critiques on any of my stories as well.

    Other than that, great story. It flowed well and I liked the thought behind it.

    (I like how my comment is probably twice the length of your story)


    Comment by N Good — February 24, 2011 @ 7:13 pm |Reply

    • lol, yeah, probably is longer than the story itself…oh well!
      you know, i thought about taking that off, but left it for some reason. theres a couple other stories where im either a word over or a word under, though, so that doesnt really matter. just had a brain fart and didnt take off the word “though”….so, i think i’ll go do that now, though.. =P
      thanks for the tips. i honestly appreciate it and want feedback like that. thanks for giving the feedback- never EVER hold it back…good or “bad”, i need all the help i can get as a writer! =)


      Comment by britewordworm — February 24, 2011 @ 8:10 pm |Reply

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